LIFE FIX 11 – STEP 9 – MAKE AMENDS, 9-7-25, Lead Pastor - Jeff Aenk, New Hope Christian Church
Key Verse – John 14:6 - Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father (God) except through me.
Step 9 – We Made direct amends to people we’d harmed, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Matthew 5:9 - Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Amends IS: You Not Only Ask Forgiveness, But you Also Take Concrete Steps to Make Things Right with the Person You’ve Hurt.
*5 STEPS to Making a Proper Face to Face DIRECT AMENDS the Right Way: (We should be Taught these as a Child, but Most of us were Not!)
1. Name it & Claim it! Look ‘em in the Eye, Acknowledge our Specific Wrongdoing, & Express our Honest Regret. Let them know their Feelings are Valid. Ex. I Stole your Wallet. I was Wrong, & you have Every Right to be Angry & Disappointed in Me. I would be too. Will You Please Forgive Me? *We Need to Ask for Forgiveness, rather than Merely Saying, “I’m Sorry” or “I Apologize”, it Gives the Harmed Person the Power & Dignity to Choose Whether to Accept the Request or Not. Saying I Ask Your Forgiveness has an “I Place Myself at Your Mercy” Quality to It. It’s more Complete & Full.
Matthew 5:23-24 - 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
2. Make Space for the Other Person to Share. Let them Share their Thoughts & Feelings with us Openly. Hearing & Understanding how our Misdeed Affected the Other Party is Critical to an Amends Conversation. Let them Describe the Impact Our Misdoing had on Their Lives, Without Interrupting them. They will Often Ask What Motivated Us to Do What We did? So be prepared to Offer an Unvarnished Explanation. (Don’t Justify or Rationalize your Poor Behavior.) Ex. I Stole your Wallet because I was Selfish & Needed Money to Buy Beer.
Matthew 5:7 – Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. (Mercy and compassion are closely related biblical concepts, often used interchangeably. While compassion is the deep feeling of pity (sympathy) for someone's suffering, mercy is the action taken to alleviate that suffering.)
3. Let Them Add. When the Harmed Person is Finished Sharing their Thoughts & Feelings, Ask if there is Anything Else they’d like to Add?
James 1:19b - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
4. Propose an Appropriate Amends. Ex. I Will Replace Your Wallet & Pay Back the Money I Stole from you. It’s Recommended to Ask the Person if your Proposed Amends is Acceptable to Them, or if you Need to Do Something Further, to Remedy the Pain & Suffering you Caused them & to Repair the Breech in your Relationship?
Luke 19:5-10 - 5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” 6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. 7 All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” 8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” 9 Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
5. Describe Your Future Intention to Go & Sin No More. You should give a Sincere Commitment NOT to Repeat the Offending Behavior. You must Promise you will NOT Repeat your Misdeed. Ex. From this Time Forward, I Vow Never Again to Steal Your Wallet or Anything Else from you.
“Amend” Definition – To Change or Modify Something for the Better. We Finish our Amends by Making a Genuine Commitment to Go & Sin No More, or at Least Not Nearly as Often as in the Past. We’re Not Perfect, & will Stumble. But we Promise to do our Best. We Seek Progress, NOT Perfection.
John 8:3b-11 – 3b They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Indirect Amends – Lives 5000 miles away – You may have to do a Phone Call, Can’t Find – Pray God will line up a Meetup,
Dead – Write Letter to them: Acknowledging Ways we Wronged/Failed them, Asking their Forgiveness, & Sharing Plans to Live Differently Moving Forward in their Absence.
(Maybe even drive to the Cemetery, Stand at the Grave, & Read the Letter you Wrote to them.) It Brings Healing & Closure.
Sometimes a Person is still Angry with Us & will Refuse to Meet – Pray their Hearts will Soften & that One Day you can talk. In the Mean Time, make Indirect
Amends by doing something we Know would Please or Honor them. *We do the Best we can to Sweep Our Side of the Street.
Partial Amends – Don’t make any Amends that would Injure Others. Don’t Unburden your Conscience at Expense of Another Person’s Peace of Mind.
Ex. Long Standing Crush on Wife’s Best Friend.
Necessary Endings – Most End Well, but Occasionally they will Not. We do the Best we Can to Right our Wrongs, & then we Accept the Outcome. People have a Right to
be Angry & Not Forgive us. We Pray for their Healing & that One Day we might be Restored. Then we Forgive Ourselves & Move Forward.
Making Amends to Ourselves – We Hurt Ourselves as much if not More than Others. We need to Forgive & Make Amends to Ourselves, as we Make Amends to Others.
3 Tips: 1. Be Calm, Clear, & Compassionate to Them & Yourself! 2. Keep things Simple & Don’t Dive into Details & Retraumatize them - we’re Trying to Heal People. However if Many Offenses were Done, Address Each One. 3. Whatever you Do, DO NOT Bring up the Other Person’s Mistakes! This is All About YOUR Misdeeds, NOT Theirs.
Proverbs 3:5-6 - 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Here’s What I Want us To Do This Week
Make direct amends to the people we’ve harmed, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
*Read Chapter 9 – Step 9: Make Amends - Pages 85-94 in Black “The Fix Workbook” below to Left, & Answer the Questions in it in Writing. *Also, Attend your “Life Fix” Group this week. If you’re Not in one, Get the following Workbook, & Book or AudioBook, & go through them Yourself. *****Disclaimer – “The Fix” Books are NOT God’s Word, but Man’s. The Bible is God’s Word & we Filter Everything through it. However, the 12 Steps are Based on Teachings of Jesus.
Step 9 – We Made direct amends to people we’d harmed, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Matthew 5:9 - Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Amends IS: You Not Only Ask Forgiveness, But you Also Take Concrete Steps to Make Things Right with the Person You’ve Hurt.
*5 STEPS to Making a Proper Face to Face DIRECT AMENDS the Right Way: (We should be Taught these as a Child, but Most of us were Not!)
1. Name it & Claim it! Look ‘em in the Eye, Acknowledge our Specific Wrongdoing, & Express our Honest Regret. Let them know their Feelings are Valid. Ex. I Stole your Wallet. I was Wrong, & you have Every Right to be Angry & Disappointed in Me. I would be too. Will You Please Forgive Me? *We Need to Ask for Forgiveness, rather than Merely Saying, “I’m Sorry” or “I Apologize”, it Gives the Harmed Person the Power & Dignity to Choose Whether to Accept the Request or Not. Saying I Ask Your Forgiveness has an “I Place Myself at Your Mercy” Quality to It. It’s more Complete & Full.
Matthew 5:23-24 - 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
2. Make Space for the Other Person to Share. Let them Share their Thoughts & Feelings with us Openly. Hearing & Understanding how our Misdeed Affected the Other Party is Critical to an Amends Conversation. Let them Describe the Impact Our Misdoing had on Their Lives, Without Interrupting them. They will Often Ask What Motivated Us to Do What We did? So be prepared to Offer an Unvarnished Explanation. (Don’t Justify or Rationalize your Poor Behavior.) Ex. I Stole your Wallet because I was Selfish & Needed Money to Buy Beer.
Matthew 5:7 – Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. (Mercy and compassion are closely related biblical concepts, often used interchangeably. While compassion is the deep feeling of pity (sympathy) for someone's suffering, mercy is the action taken to alleviate that suffering.)
3. Let Them Add. When the Harmed Person is Finished Sharing their Thoughts & Feelings, Ask if there is Anything Else they’d like to Add?
James 1:19b - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
4. Propose an Appropriate Amends. Ex. I Will Replace Your Wallet & Pay Back the Money I Stole from you. It’s Recommended to Ask the Person if your Proposed Amends is Acceptable to Them, or if you Need to Do Something Further, to Remedy the Pain & Suffering you Caused them & to Repair the Breech in your Relationship?
Luke 19:5-10 - 5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” 6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. 7 All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” 8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” 9 Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
5. Describe Your Future Intention to Go & Sin No More. You should give a Sincere Commitment NOT to Repeat the Offending Behavior. You must Promise you will NOT Repeat your Misdeed. Ex. From this Time Forward, I Vow Never Again to Steal Your Wallet or Anything Else from you.
“Amend” Definition – To Change or Modify Something for the Better. We Finish our Amends by Making a Genuine Commitment to Go & Sin No More, or at Least Not Nearly as Often as in the Past. We’re Not Perfect, & will Stumble. But we Promise to do our Best. We Seek Progress, NOT Perfection.
John 8:3b-11 – 3b They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Indirect Amends – Lives 5000 miles away – You may have to do a Phone Call, Can’t Find – Pray God will line up a Meetup,
Dead – Write Letter to them: Acknowledging Ways we Wronged/Failed them, Asking their Forgiveness, & Sharing Plans to Live Differently Moving Forward in their Absence.
(Maybe even drive to the Cemetery, Stand at the Grave, & Read the Letter you Wrote to them.) It Brings Healing & Closure.
Sometimes a Person is still Angry with Us & will Refuse to Meet – Pray their Hearts will Soften & that One Day you can talk. In the Mean Time, make Indirect
Amends by doing something we Know would Please or Honor them. *We do the Best we can to Sweep Our Side of the Street.
Partial Amends – Don’t make any Amends that would Injure Others. Don’t Unburden your Conscience at Expense of Another Person’s Peace of Mind.
Ex. Long Standing Crush on Wife’s Best Friend.
Necessary Endings – Most End Well, but Occasionally they will Not. We do the Best we Can to Right our Wrongs, & then we Accept the Outcome. People have a Right to
be Angry & Not Forgive us. We Pray for their Healing & that One Day we might be Restored. Then we Forgive Ourselves & Move Forward.
Making Amends to Ourselves – We Hurt Ourselves as much if not More than Others. We need to Forgive & Make Amends to Ourselves, as we Make Amends to Others.
3 Tips: 1. Be Calm, Clear, & Compassionate to Them & Yourself! 2. Keep things Simple & Don’t Dive into Details & Retraumatize them - we’re Trying to Heal People. However if Many Offenses were Done, Address Each One. 3. Whatever you Do, DO NOT Bring up the Other Person’s Mistakes! This is All About YOUR Misdeeds, NOT Theirs.
Proverbs 3:5-6 - 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Here’s What I Want us To Do This Week
Make direct amends to the people we’ve harmed, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
*Read Chapter 9 – Step 9: Make Amends - Pages 85-94 in Black “The Fix Workbook” below to Left, & Answer the Questions in it in Writing. *Also, Attend your “Life Fix” Group this week. If you’re Not in one, Get the following Workbook, & Book or AudioBook, & go through them Yourself. *****Disclaimer – “The Fix” Books are NOT God’s Word, but Man’s. The Bible is God’s Word & we Filter Everything through it. However, the 12 Steps are Based on Teachings of Jesus.