MAKING AMENDS, 7-12-26, Lead Pastor Jeff Aenk, New Hope Christian Church
*5 STEPS to Making a Proper Face to Face DIRECT AMENDS to people we’ve harmed:
1. Name it & Claim it!
Matthew 5:23-24 - 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
***HOW TO - Look ‘em in the Eye, Acknowledge our Specific Wrongdoing, & Express our Honest Regret. Let them know their Feelings are Valid. Ex. I Stole your Wallet. I was Wrong, & you have Every Right to be Angry & Disappointed in Me. I would be too. Will You Please Forgive Me? *We Need to Ask for Forgiveness, rather than Merely Saying, “I’m Sorry” or “I Apologize”, it Gives the Harmed Person the Power & Dignity to Choose Whether to Accept the Request or Not. Saying I Ask Your Forgiveness has an “I Place Myself at Your Mercy” Quality to It. It’s more Complete & Full.
2. Make Space for the Other Person to Share.
Matthew 5:7 – Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. (Mercy and compassion are closely related biblical concepts, often used interchangeably. While compassion is the deep feeling of pity (sympathy) for someone's suffering, mercy is the action taken to alleviate that suffering.)
***HOW TO - Let them Share their Thoughts & Feelings with us Openly. Hearing & Understanding how our Misdeed Affected the Other Party is Critical to an Amends Conversation. Let them Describe the Impact Our Misdoing had on Their Lives, Without Interrupting them. They will Often Ask What Motivated Us to Do What We did? So be prepared to Offer an Unvarnished Explanation. (Don’t Justify or Rationalize your Poor Behavior.) Ex. I Stole your Wallet because I was Selfish & Needed Money to Buy Beer.
3. Let Them Add.
James 1:19b - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
***HOW TO - When the Harmed Person is Finished Sharing their Thoughts & Feelings, Ask if there is Anything Else they’d like to Add?
4. Propose an Appropriate Amends.
Luke 19:5-10 - 5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” 6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. 7 All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” 8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” 9 Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
***HOW TO - Ex. I Will Replace Your Wallet & Pay Back the Money I Stole from you. It’s Recommended to Ask the Person if your Proposed Amends is Acceptable to Them, or if you Need to Do Something Further, to Remedy the Pain & Suffering you Caused them & to Repair the Breech in your Relationship?
5. Describe Your Future Intention to Go & Sin No More.
John 8:3b-11 – 3b They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
***HOW TO - You should give a Sincere Commitment NOT to Repeat the Offending Behavior. You must Promise you will NOT Repeat your Misdeed. Ex. From this Time Forward, I Vow Never Again to Steal Your Wallet or Anything Else from you.
“Amend” Definition – To Change or Modify Something for the Better. We Finish our Amends by Making a Genuine Commitment to Go & Sin No More, or at Least Not Nearly as Often as in the Past. We’re Not Perfect, & will Stumble. But we Promise to do our Best. We Seek Progress, NOT Perfection.
Here’s What I Want us To Do this WEEK
*Who have You Hurt, Harmed, or Wronged by your Words or Actions, that you Need to Go to & Make Amends & Make things Right with? *Follow the 5 Steps Above to Make Amends with them This Week.
1. Name it & Claim it!
Matthew 5:23-24 - 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
***HOW TO - Look ‘em in the Eye, Acknowledge our Specific Wrongdoing, & Express our Honest Regret. Let them know their Feelings are Valid. Ex. I Stole your Wallet. I was Wrong, & you have Every Right to be Angry & Disappointed in Me. I would be too. Will You Please Forgive Me? *We Need to Ask for Forgiveness, rather than Merely Saying, “I’m Sorry” or “I Apologize”, it Gives the Harmed Person the Power & Dignity to Choose Whether to Accept the Request or Not. Saying I Ask Your Forgiveness has an “I Place Myself at Your Mercy” Quality to It. It’s more Complete & Full.
2. Make Space for the Other Person to Share.
Matthew 5:7 – Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. (Mercy and compassion are closely related biblical concepts, often used interchangeably. While compassion is the deep feeling of pity (sympathy) for someone's suffering, mercy is the action taken to alleviate that suffering.)
***HOW TO - Let them Share their Thoughts & Feelings with us Openly. Hearing & Understanding how our Misdeed Affected the Other Party is Critical to an Amends Conversation. Let them Describe the Impact Our Misdoing had on Their Lives, Without Interrupting them. They will Often Ask What Motivated Us to Do What We did? So be prepared to Offer an Unvarnished Explanation. (Don’t Justify or Rationalize your Poor Behavior.) Ex. I Stole your Wallet because I was Selfish & Needed Money to Buy Beer.
3. Let Them Add.
James 1:19b - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
***HOW TO - When the Harmed Person is Finished Sharing their Thoughts & Feelings, Ask if there is Anything Else they’d like to Add?
4. Propose an Appropriate Amends.
Luke 19:5-10 - 5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” 6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. 7 All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” 8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” 9 Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
***HOW TO - Ex. I Will Replace Your Wallet & Pay Back the Money I Stole from you. It’s Recommended to Ask the Person if your Proposed Amends is Acceptable to Them, or if you Need to Do Something Further, to Remedy the Pain & Suffering you Caused them & to Repair the Breech in your Relationship?
5. Describe Your Future Intention to Go & Sin No More.
John 8:3b-11 – 3b They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
***HOW TO - You should give a Sincere Commitment NOT to Repeat the Offending Behavior. You must Promise you will NOT Repeat your Misdeed. Ex. From this Time Forward, I Vow Never Again to Steal Your Wallet or Anything Else from you.
“Amend” Definition – To Change or Modify Something for the Better. We Finish our Amends by Making a Genuine Commitment to Go & Sin No More, or at Least Not Nearly as Often as in the Past. We’re Not Perfect, & will Stumble. But we Promise to do our Best. We Seek Progress, NOT Perfection.
Here’s What I Want us To Do this WEEK
*Who have You Hurt, Harmed, or Wronged by your Words or Actions, that you Need to Go to & Make Amends & Make things Right with? *Follow the 5 Steps Above to Make Amends with them This Week.